The GBU Report :: 29Jan2007

The GOOD :: Drew who …

Yeah! The Red Sox finally have signed JD Drew – eight weeks after the fact. If the guy stays healthy then there’s going to be precious few walks for Boston middle order.

But do the really need a steroid_tainted first baser to go in the mix?

The BAD :: No pigskin …

Oh boy, blue days. This is the taste of things to come; no football this weekend. The Senior Bowl wasn’t aired UK-side and I’ve trawled through all my time-shifted Bowl games.

Tried to get into some College BB and some NBA … even glazed over trying to watch Hockey Night in Canada.

One more game then I’ll have to dig-in till Spring Training games hit MLB.com.

The UGLY :: Come back Eric …

Delayed reaction I know … but I gotta say … please come back Eric (Kuselius). ESPN’s Sportsbash was a staple of mine and I was gutted to hear Eric was leaving … for NASCAR!? Sorry, motorsport is just not my cup of tea.

But best of luck Eric.

Only don’t leave us with John Seibel. Nooooo.

JS tries so hard … but it shows … like a Ford labouring in first down the freeway … Change gear JS, change geeeeaaaar.

Monkey Watch …

Keeping an eye on the monkey that jumped off Payton Manning’s back. …

Ok, we all saw it. And if we didn’t we’ve sure all heard about it this week. There’s a monkey on the loose. It’s had a good safe home on the back of Payton Manning for many years now, but suddenly P-monkey has been cast loose.

Who knows what it will do next?

MonkeyWatch caught up with a member of the NFL’s Monkey Supervision Unit, Wednesday to get the latest update: “We’re sure he’s still out there, sir and we’re doing our best to make sure Mr P-monkey gets a new home every bit as good as the one he lost. But we don’t believe he’s settled on a suitable one yet.

”We’d urge members of the public not to be concerned though, Mr P-monkey is unlikely to want to settle for anything less than a multi-million dollar under-achiever, so unless you’re minted AND lame you’ll surely be safe.”

Although NFL officials remained non-committal over the P-monkey’s prospects, Sports talk radio has been rife with rumoured sightings of the house-hunting monkey over the past week:

1. Michael Vick: Vick was initially thought to be the preferred home of choice for P-monkey. A perennial under-achiever with phenomenal talent, Vick consistently undermines himself with ‘dumbass’ decisions. However, preliminary surveys by P-monkey revealed Vicks back to be already well inhabited by a small colony of monkeys. Furthermore P-monkey was concerned at Vicks’ unhealthy relationship with the … well, unhealthy … Ron Mexico, who would be a close neighbour.
2. Tom Brady: Another serious contender. Brady is the most successful QB of the modern generation. Yet no matter what he does there are those quick to ascribe that success to something – anything – other than his unique skills and capabilities. Brady’s drive-choking interception in the AFC championship game made him an extremely attractive option for P-monkey. But after due consideration P-monkey felt that all that supermodel-induced pneumatic action would disturb his rest too much.
3. Donovan McNabb: Every bit as talented as Vick and imbued with better leadership and decision making qualities, McNabb struggles to live up to the beer-fuelled expectations of the Philly-fans. Further, the convalescing McNabb is getting jittery after backup, Jeff Garcia, steered his Eagles into the playoff second round. But in the end P-monkey felt that the injury-prone QB was just to damned unlucky to be his next home and was further perturbed at potential privacy invasion issues caused by the blogging mother of McNabb.
4. Marty Schottenheimer: Despite compiling 200+ NFL wins, the Charger coach is marooned in a sea of post-season mediocrity. But the M-monkey is grown so huge that it now has Marty on its back. No home for P-monkey here.
5. Rex Grossman: Not even P-monkey can work out how Grossman is 15-3 as a starter this year. But as long as Coach Smith has Grossman’s back the P-monkey can’t make a move.
6. LaDainian ‘classy’ Tomlinson: Oh, boy. LT. Meet P-monkey. This is monkey-love at first sight. LT had the ‘Greatest year ever for an RB’ and still – Manning-style – couldn’t find a way past the Pats in the Playoffs; heck they even threw in a regular season pummelling of NE to show they had the weapons and still came up short. LT’s public show of post-game pouting leaves the door wide-open for P-monkey and the little guy is all set to move on in. But ya know this guy is too nice … the loss wasn’t on him … and P-monkey seems to be sliding right off again.

The plight of the homeless P-monkey has liberal environmentalists everywhere worried.

Yet, it has particularly touched the hearts of the ever-tender New York press, who believe there is still space on the back of A-Rod.

MLB Monkey Allocation Consultant, Lee Mur, confirmed: “We can confirm that we are not aware of any change in the status of the monkey population on A-Rod. However, monkey testing is on-going.”

So, it seems P-monkey will – at least temporarily – turn his back on the NFL for the lure of the MLB.

NFL Monkey Supervision Unit officials confirmed they are “monitoring the situation” and feel that events may yet “come to a head on or around February 4th” and they refused to rule out P- monkey’s return to football action.

The GBU Report :: January 24

The GOOD :: The Monkey bashing Colts …

Payton Manning finally proved ‘he was what we thought he was’ with a brilliant second half performance to turn a 20-3 deficit into a 38-34 win in Sunday’s AFC Championship game against erstwhile nemesis, New England.

A win over ‘da bears ‘ in Superbowl XLI would have that monkey scurrying for another home. Maybe Ladainian ‘classy’ Tomlinson could hold it awhile?

The BAD :: Marchin’ Out …

New Orleans dream season finally petered out on a snowy Chicago field, Sunday.

The exuberant, belligerent, brilliance of Reggie Bush’s 88 yd catch-and-run TD reception merely served as a red rag to the rampaging Bear defense; especially after the taunting end to the play.

That Bush touchdown marked the high tide for the the Saints in this game though as they came from 16-0 behind to 16-14.

In retrospect the decision to have kicker, Billy Cundiff, try a 47 yd FG for a 17-16 lead, signaled a desperation to chase points. Something Sean Peyton has not done on other occasions this season – but I guess that’s the pressure of the playoffs. The Bears adapted better and their mistake free football won out in the end.

The UGLY :: The Cincinnati Bailbonds …

And then there were nine. Nine naughty Bengals. The striped-ones clearly have a penchant for trouble as Johnathan Joseph became the 9th Bengals to be arrested since January 2006.

1. 01/28/06: Wide receiver Chris Henry
   • 1/28/6 – Charged with possession of a concealed firearm, improper exhibition of a firearm and aggravated assault with a firearm
   • 6/3/6 – DUI charges).
   • 6/14/6 – Arrested for providing alcohol to three under-aged females in a Covington hotel room
2. 6/3/6: LB A.J. Nicholson (charged with burglary and grand theft and vandalism).
3. 6/21/6: DE, Frostee Rucker (charged with two counts of vandalism and two counts of spousal battery).
4. 7/22/6: DT, Matthias Askew (tasered and arrested, charged with obstruction of police business, resisting arrest and two parking violations – case thrown out).
5. 8/5/6: OG, Eric Steinbach, (arrested, allegedly drunk in charge of a boat).
6. 9/25/6: LB, Odell Thurman, (charged with DUI).
7. 12/3/6: CB, Deltha McNeal (charged with resisting arrest outside a Houston nightclub).
8. 12/9/6: CB, Deltha O’Neal (charged with DUI).
9. 1/22/7. CB, Johnathan Joseph (arrested for marijuana possession).

Really, no Pats!

Really? No Pats? Well I was half right. It was a blow-out at half-time. I went to bed at around 1am UK time with the Pats 21-3 to the good and looking set for another Superbowl bash with ‘Da Bears’.

When I woke up WEEI was in the midst of its ‘real post-game’ show and suddenly I was wide awake as it dawned on me that the Colts had somehow roused themselves to a victory.

First off that’s great news for coach Tony Dungy who seems a top-bloke and for Peyton Manning too of course. I hope they go on to crush ‘Da Bears’ in Miami. Nothing personal Bear fans but I just can’t get warm-and-fuzzy about your team; perhaps it’s because you’ve not had a decent quarterback since … well since the NFL really.

Admittedly I’ve yet to watch the recording of the second-half of the game but it seems Manning finally responded with a game-winning performance in a clutch situation, making some special throws. After staring into the maw of the beast at half time he could have been excused if he’d folded. Had he failed to rally his team in this one then his legacy would have been almost irretrievable tarnished. But credit the guy with some guts at last – finally no more choker talk.

Let’s hope the media-pack don’t all round-on Brady now, especially after his game-chasing interception.

What, no Pats?

It’s a long way from Olde Englande to New England I know, even further to Indianapolis, so maybe I’m missing something here; but why are all the US NFL pundits picking the Colts over the Pats?

Are they really smart or have they over-clocked the old grey matter on this one and outsmarted themselves?

It certainly seems that way to me. The Patriots are blatantly a better balanced more well adjusted team than the Colts. And that balance – spurned by both the Ravens and Chiefs in their playoff losses to Indy – is the reason why the Pats will win.

The Pats will keep that strangely resurgent Colts defence guessing run-or-pass throughout, taking away the option to stack against the run that Kansas and Baltimore gifted them.

It won’t even be close, sadly I think it’ll be a blow-out by the half time break (think Gators-Buckeyes).

Maybe all those NFL talking heads should follow their heads and not their hearts.